Gratitude is an attitude

I haven’t had an easy year since 2019.

Looking back on it, I also realize that, prior to 2019, I’d had almost 40 easy years in a row.

But, apart from some regrettable haircuts while searching for a new barber, I also wouldn’t have changed a thing. During difficult periods, I often joke with my wife, “One day we’ll look back on this season as the easy days.”

Sometimes, when I look back on the slideshow of family pictures that pop up on the living room TV (s/o Amazon Firestick and Amazon Photo), I am reminded of the joy we’ve experienced and the hard things we’ve already survived. I am a firm believer that challenges add beauty and context to life.

“Life isn’t pretty, but it sure is beautiful”
―Billie Joe Armstrong, Greenday

So, congratulations, you’ve made it this far. Be thankful. But keep going.

Comfort is a curse

I have a good friend living the glide path life - a healthy wife and kids, a steady corporate job, and plenty of time for golf and Netflix. And he’s…bored. The IG reels may show island vacations and meals at actual sit-down restaurants, but he’s…bored. In his quiet moments, I’m sure he’s thankful that he doesn’t have my life, but I know I’m thankful I don’t have his.

Comfort is inertia. And inertia, to be blunt, is a bitch.

Our collective purpose isn’t to binge-watch Netflix series’ or be the world’s best accountant. Purpose, by definition, implies something beyond ourselves (Mark 10:45, Mat 28:19-20, Eph 2:10). We are a means to another end. As a Christian, my purpose is to share the good news. And I’m thankful that the way I’ve been called to do that is by being the father of our special needs child.

I share our story with whoever will listen. I show Lexi the world by taking her out on daily walks and errands. I make time for Friday recesses to show her schoolmates that a real person is inside that often disengaged little body, staring at the ceiling. And recently, I’ve come to understand that my calling is fulfilled even when doing Lexi’s PT. I can forgive myself for skipping my own workouts, but I can’t fall down on hers.

I am thankful for a difficult life, I really am. Difficulty has been a refining fire that’s helped strip away the unnecessary so that I can become who I need to be. And to be clear, this is a journey and not a destination. I’m miles from perfect and miles from finished, but I know I just have to keep going.

So, I’m thankful for the challenges I’ve been blessed with. After all, what good is it to complain or blame my child for things outside of her and my control? As Jocko Willink says when bad stuff happens, “GOOD.” My wife and I talk about this a lot - how thankful we are for the challenging road we’ve been set on because it’s deepened our faith, strengthened our relationship, and is an opportunity to show our able daughter what miracles can come from faith. That said, it’s hard. It’s stressful. It’s exhausting. Sometimes, I just want to sit on the couch and veg out. It’s only natural. But my purpose comes from a supernatural being, so I have finally learned to dig deep and keep going.

I am thankful for my purpose.

As we barrel into the year-end holiday rush, I encourage you to step back and be thankful for the difficult days, weeks, months, and even years. Because you’re still standing. And someone needs you, even if they can’t verbalize it or grasp your hand. Someone needs you.

Every day for the month of December, I am going to spend five minutes writing down something I am thankful for. Each day, something new, on a fresh sheet of paper. Maybe I’ll share it with my wife and kids; maybe I won’t. But I will spend five uninterrupted minutes writing it down. Will you join me?

With gratitude,
Duke

P.S. Thanksgiving was just two days ago. Black Friday has come and gone. And Cyber Monday has emerged to continue the consumerist push for more stuff. But did you know Tuesday is called Giving Tuesday? It’s a global day of generosity to generate awareness and support for nonprofits changing communities and the world. Please consider supporting your local shelter, church, or hospital. It’s also a great way to show your able children that, despite your unique familial challenges, you can also help others in need.