Ball up top

In 2015, we dedicated our firstborn at our then-home church, Hoboken Grace. As a prerequisite, we took a short parenting class. The TL;DR was that we, as parents, are duty-bound to enable our child's spiritual growth. Paradoxically, that meant putting God first, our marriage second, and our child(ren) third.

It was difficult for me to wrap my head around that order. I had wanted a child for so long, and we had had several miscarriages prior. To say that she would be third on my list was hard even to say aloud, much less commit to.

Fast-forward to the dedication of our second at our now-home church in Tampa, Radiant Church, and it finally clicked. Putting God first, then our marriage, was the best way to prepare and provide for our children. It would serve as an example for my child(ren) to grow towards so that they may also come to love God with all their heart and become Godly parents themselves. I wish I could tell you that I’ve faithfully submitted, committed, and executed on that order priority, though. Sometimes, I put my wife first. Sometimes, I put my kids first. Most often, I put myself first.

When we first brought Lexi to the hospital for her unexplained seizures, we were thankful for one another, for our ability to (probably!) handle whatever financial burdens were ahead, and that we had a faith that would see us through. But just how much faith I would need was yet unrevealed.

Let me start with a series of miracles I’ve experienced, even with the little faith I had:
- Lexi is now seizure-free and drug-free, after having spent over a year on high-dose Keppra and Phenobarbital to control her seizures. Her neuro claims she’s never seen anything like it
- Lexi can eat soft foods. Despite her almost total lack of muscle control, she’s developed enough strength so that we don’t need to puree everything or resort to a feeding tube
- Lexi’s eczema and reflux were cured
- Lexi can maintain a prop sit with minimal support
- I’m not a 300lb alcoholic mess. My default posture is on the couch, watching the entire Fast and the Furious franchise while inhaling Goldfish crackers and nachos. Add in the last two years of severely disrupted sleep, and it’s only by grace that I am still standing (and can see my toes)

I wish I could tell you it’s because I’ve faithfully submitted, committed, and executed on prioritizing God, my wife, and my children, in that order. But the reality is that it’s despite my failure to maintain proper prioritization. I wish I could tell you that my gratitude for those miracles helps me maintain that priority order, but the reality is that it’s sometimes my wife’s not-so-gentle nudges that keep me on track.

We’ve all been there. Work obligations, sports/social and social media distractions, marital struggles, and children, regardless of health, all clamor for our attention and affection. It’s hard, really hard. But like all our PT practitioners say…

Ruthless focus and prioritization on God, your marriage, and your children is what will get us through this. A God-first posture provides comfort amidst uncertainty and doubt. He provides the wisdom, peace, and grace to navigate our unique journeys. A wife-second posture provides a graceful partner to depend on. She committed to you as a lifelong partner through sickness and health, for richer or poorer. A child(ren)-third posture provides an opportunity to be prepared to give them what they need physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The flipside of prioritization is recognizing what is NOT on that list—social media, sports, politics, and even careers. While we are called to be excellent in all that we do, you are uniquely called to be the father and leader of your household, not an accountant, shopkeeper, or barber.

We will ultimately be judged by how well we submit to God and serve our wives and children (2 Cor 5:10, 1 Tim 5:8, Eph 5:25-28, Eph 6:4).

I use a simple question to help keep me on track - “Does this help get me closer to where I need to be?" Even shorter, “Does this help me?”

When I find my five-minute doom-scrolling sesh going on too long, I stop and ask myself, “Does this help me?” When I want to follow a somewhat unavoidable fast-food meal with another fast-food meal, I ask myself, “Does this help me?” When I want to watch “bad” TV instead of a church sermon or flip through Facebook instead of the Bible app, I ask myself…”Does this help me?”

Nine(ish) times out of ten, I’ll make the right choice. And I hope this helps you, too. If you have tips on maintaining focus on the right priorities, drop me a line!

Let’s do hard things,
Duke

P.S. Check out this song by Consumed by Fire, “First things first”
P.P.S. I’m moving delivery to Saturday afternoons and am exploring a weekly option that includes motivations, devotions, and inspirations. Thoughts?